Pulling My Own Weight

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash



"For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your call, brethren; not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth; but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong, God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom, our righteousness and sanctification and redemption; therefore, as it is written, 'Let him who boasts, boast of the Lord.'” -1 Corinthians 1:25-31


It's late at night. I'm tired. It has been a rough week. I have never been more stressed in my life, than I am now. There are so many different concerns on my mind. Very little seems to be going right and that both angers and frustrates me. All of this frustrates me, because every time I believe I am doing what it is God wants me to do, everything gets changed and I find myself doing what appears to have nothing to do with anything. All of this just to say, that this post may be self-centered.

Really, though, when I do think about all of this honestly, it becomes quite clear how much of this is my fault. I don't mean my fault in a guilt/innocence sort of way. It's my fault in the sense of allowing my own insecurities to impede my progress. That I am not living under a bridge as I sort through all of this is clear evidence of God's love of me and how easily I forget that.

While I am asking God to help me, He is telling me how to help myself. Yet, this is what scares me. Actually, it terrifies me. I hate putting myself out there, where I am open to failing, ridiculing, being misunderstood and attacked, and simply allowing others to see who I am. Being on my own doesn't help either. I'm not entirely on my own. I have very good friends, but it's the wrestling team kind of on my own. Yes, we're all in this together, but you're the only one on the mat. What I want is for God to go out on the mat for me. He is telling me, though, that the coach isn't the one who wrestles. As much as I don't like it, God is right and I'm glad He is. As painful and difficult as it is for me to get out on the mat, I would think much less of myself, if I didn't wrestle for myself. When I wrestle and win, God gains the glory and nothing brings me greater joy.

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